First World Problems Out of Control

I was going to go lay out in the sun on the balcony today.  When I say I was going to go lay out, I mean I was going to lay out like a ginger.  I spend 15 minutes in direct sunlight, turn over for five, and then spend the rest of the hour in the shade poking myself to see which body parts are overly pink. 

On my way outside I stopped in my tracks because I was immediately thirsty.  Maybe my body just wanted to prepare for the oncoming burn.  So I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water.  I noticed how there are many less actual glass glasses now that Shylee has started doing the dishes, and that the floor was seriously gross. 

So I sat my empty glass on the counter and went to get a mop and bucket.  I filled up the bucket and mopped the floor.  I mopped my way to the edge of the kitchen and noticed I left my glass on the counter, I was still really thirsty and there was no way to get to any drink without walking though the clean, wet floor. 

There is too much gingy in myself to just give up that easily.  So I grabbed a towel and throw it on the floor, step on it, and scooted to the glass, then scooted to the fridge.  I filled up my glass with cold water and shut the door.  Then I thought, what if I get thirsty again while the floor is still wet?  I didn’t know what I would be thirsty for, so I grabbed a Rockstar, juice, and the rest of the water pitcher and started scooting toward the balcony quickly so I could get out there before the sun went down too far.  That’s when Brian walked in.

Brian - What are you doing?  (He had been sleeping all day, so he was a little groggy, but his usual level of judgmentalness.)

Me - Don’t mess with me right now, my first world problems are getting out of control.

Bad Man in the Neighborhood

There have been a few cases of child molestation and abuse in our neighborhood within the last year, so when my five year old daughter, Shylee, told me she saw a bad man out by the street it got my attention.  I asked her if she saw him again, would she be able to point him out.  She said, without a doubt she would.  She was certain that he was still out there, so I held her hand tight while we walked back to where she had seen him last. 

Yep, he was still there. 

I don't happen to think he is a threat at the moment, you know since he's on a sign and all. 

There was also this guy, who while he looks similar, he is a good guy and is out there to watch the bad man...according to Shylee. 

Just another day on Neighborhood Watch here in Germany with my favorite kindergartner.

Westboro Baptist Church has a New Look

You may know who of the Westboro Baptist Church, but did you know that their Facebook page has been hacked into and taken over by Marilyn Manson, Anonymous, and Captain Crunch.  Currently the WBC has no control over their page, and they haven't had as much attention as they are having now. 

Here are a few of the newest photos up on their page;

And my all time favorite...

 

Check it out for yourself here.

Anything but a Romance Novel

I want to write a book, but it’s not going to be a romance novel, because they tend to make me more judgmental of my husband.  In fact every time I read a romance novel, I give him dirty looks and judge him for not having super powers, having a billion dollars, or have fighting skills better than anyone in the state. 

When I read Twilight, I judged him because he has zero super hero abilities.  Is it really too much to be picked up after work (literally) and have him throw me on his back and race up to the top of a mountain for a picnic?  Apparently it is. 

When I read Fifty Shades of Gray, I was let down that Brian wasn’t a multi-billionaire who wanted to take me up in his private helicopter.  Is it really too much for him to be over protective to the point of craziness and try to make things better by spending thousands of dollars on me?  Apparently it is.

I just got done reading Beautiful Disaster, and have been giving Brian dirty looks for the last two days.  When Brian saw me mean mugging him, he said, “Can I help you?”

I said, “Have you ever thought about fighting in the UFC?”

He would laugh at me and say, “Ha, no.”

Not only does he refuse to fight in a ring with a stranger to near death, covered in blood, he won’t even beat the crap out of some guy just for talking to him.

And believe me, I tried.  I told him, “I talked to a guy today.  I think he thinks I’m pretty.”

He said, “Ahh that’s sweet.  You are pretty.”  He obviously hates me!

So one of two things are true, either Brian is the least romantic man ever, or I should stop reading romance novels.  Luckily some of my friends and I are getting together for our new book club.  Actually we are just getting together to drink wine and wear fancy clothes, and are just happening to read the same book at the same time.  My friend Chandler chose the book A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard.  Brian will probably start looking good, considering he isn’t a maniac with a little girl stored away in our back yard...either that or I will start suspecting he does.