Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Much Misunderstood and Under-Appreciated Ginger Child

A friend of mine emailed me the latest news on redheads...yay!

The world’s largest sperm bank is no longer accepting ginger
This is terrible news.  How are we to take over the world if they turn down millions of creepy swimmers?

Since the beginning of mankind, Gingers have gotten a bad rap.  It’s said Adam’s first wife Lilith was a redhead and was kicked out of Eden because she refused to be submissive.  It turns out that single trait has been transferred to every ginger woman ever!  Don’t believe me?  Then by all means, you should go out and get to know a redheaded woman.  Try out my theory.  Mess with her kids or tell her to go make you a sammich.

While there appears to be some “negative” ginger traits, I’m here to set the records straight.  Here are the five top ginger “facts”.

1.        They will get bullied in school.

2.       They bruise easily.

3.       They have no soul.

4.       They are sensitive to pain.

5.       Redheads are kinky.

Now let’s see how these “facts” play out.  We can even use the much hated ginger boy in this story.
A Little Story Called the Bully and the Ginger
A bully walked around the halls of school taking the lunch money from all the smaller kids when he walked up to the little ginger boy.

Bully - Where’s your money.

Little Ginger - I don’t have any money on me.

Bully - I’ll get it out of you!

The bully then grabbed the little boy and shook him. 

This is what most people see, the rest is highly under reported.

A note falls out of the little ginger’s pocket that says, “Sorry, must’ve left my money on your mom’s nightstand again.”

The little boy dusts himself off and walked to the nurse’s office where he shows her his bruises he acquired all of 2.3 minutes ago.  So the bully, we’ll call him Brian, gets sent to detention and later grounded.  The ginger kid doesn’t have a soul, so he felt no remorse.  The nurse felt bad for the little ginger, so she gave him something for the pain.  Sensitive to pain medicine = little free high!  And the kinky part; yeah that means one day he’ll be out there making more ginger babies.  That is until his sperm get rejected at the sperm bank. 
Always keeping my people down.