Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Drunkin' Pumkins


This week we proved to ourselves that moving back to a small town was the right decision.  It was homecoming, so we got together with our family…to watch our local high school team lose. 
 


Okay so the game may not have gone too well, but Brian’s uncle gave all of the kids a tractor pulled hay ride and we ended the night around a wood fire with the people we love the most…or at least the ones who have the most dirt on us.

 


Small towns also mean big trucks, and big homecoming floats. 



Saturday we all went out to the campground for pumpkin carving and trick or treating.  Brian and his cute parrot won the costume contest...
 
...and my mother in law won the pumpkin carving contest…because she’s bad ass like that.
 
 
 
In other news, my daughter Shylee came home with a new song she learned in drama.  She said it goes, “All day long we rape rape rape all through fall.” 

Um what?

I had her repeat herself a half dozen times until finally I think I got it.

Me – “Do you mean rake?  All day long we rake, rake, rake, all through the fall?”

Shylee – “Yeah, that’s it.  Same thing.”

For the record, it is not the same thing, and I would like her drama coach to please enunciate a little better, or at least think of songs that’s rhyming words don’t have anything to do with long jail sentences. 
 
 

 

Monday, September 30, 2013

Bethany Doesn't Know She's My New BFF

Where did the time go?  Better question, where did the blogger go?  It has been way too long since I have posted anything.  Since I was here last, I moved to the other side of the world, back onto good ol' US soil, bought a new house, said goodbye to all ties to the military, and have eaten an embarrassing amount of cookies...actually that's nothing new, I just really like cookies. 

It was months ago that I talked to Bethany from BethanyFAE on YouTube about sharing her on MyGingerRiott.  She agreed, then I promptly fell off the face of the Earth.  Rude, I know!  Moving with two little kids all the way from Germany, then getting set up here was more than I was prepared for.  But the worst part is you could have been enjoying Bethany this whole time!  So before any more time passes, welcome back to my blog, share it with your friends, then go check out Bethany!

BethanyFAE may be my favorite ginger ever...sorry Mom!  Bethany has a YouTube channel where she talks about everything from video games to great makeup advice while simultaneously letting her funny nerdiness come through.  It's simply awesome. 

While her videos may be geared towards women, men will love to watch her too.  She is seriously gorgeous...like I want to wake up and look just like her!  Okay not EXACTLY like her, because that may freak my kids out, but they'd get used to it eventually.   

Despite her looking like she was plucked right out of Hollywood, she talks to her audience like she is your best friend.  She is down to earth and funny, and instantly makes you like her.  Check her out, give her a thumbs up, subscribe and share the ginger love!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eiqKRYNKuw

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Ginger Bombed

After spending a month getting everything ready for the move, having a sick kid, and only have three people send in picture submissions for the challenge, it has been cancelled.   It's sad, but it's kind of  a relief at the same time since there is so much going on right now.

One of the pictures was from my mom of her favorite redhead (who is a cartoon and isn't her daughter).



One of them was from my friend John.  He sent me a picture of...myself.  He really just sent me a picture so that he could choose the topic of a future blog post.  Prepare yourself for that in the future. 



And the following pictures are from Breanna, who would have won if there would have been a hundred people in the challenge.  (Breanna, I will send you your gift!)  Check out these sweet ginger bombed pictures!

Photo has been professionally ginger-bombed.

Proving that American redheaded men have been un-photogenic since 1776. 

I was told that the Mountain Dew had been ginger contaminated.  :-(  Ginger-vitis. 






If you have any funny redhead photos, be sure to send them my way!  Leave a comment below, and go hug a ginger.  Just kidding, that's not safe.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

On the Move

I've been gone for WAY too long.  The Dixie Chick's song Long Time Gone has been popping up in my head every time I think about how it's been SO LONG since I have posted on Ginger Riott.  It makes me sad.  One that I haven't written in so long, and two that I have a Dixie Chick song stuck in my head. 

We've been really busy around here.  The movers came and packed up nearly everything we own, and in six days we're leaving for Michigan!  I haven't lived in Michigan in eight years so it's going to be a big change.  I'm not sure I'm ready for the drama that comes with a small town and living just minutes from my husband's entire family.  Last time I lived there I was 18, and drama was when the guy I liked posted on MySpace that gingers are nymphos and my mom making us salads on pizza night. 

There are a lot of things I am looking forward to.  One is not carrying groceries and kids up four flights of stairs everyday.  (The housing office rejected my requests to install a pulley system or escalator off my balcony.)  I'm also slightly obsessed with planning out how our next home is going to look.  I love to plan it out, but then there's all this painting and sanding and other crap that gets in my way of napping.

I haven't lived in Michigan since 2005 which means I left the country with a Republican president in office, Oprah on TV everyday at four o'clock and being able to fill my gas tank on $20.  I'm slowly turning myself into a walking meme of the "good old days". 

But for today, and the next five days, the girls and I are going to live it up in style and watching Brave, because it's the best Disney movie made, next to The Little Mermaid and Who Framed Roger Rabbit. 

 
I can't put my finger on what it is about these movies I like. ;-)
 
 
This is how we will be living it up, exactly.

 
 




Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The United States v. Windsor

Warning:  Today I am giving my opinion on Prop 8 and gay marriage.  If you are for gay marriage, keep reading.  If you are against gay marriage, keep reading.  There is no hate here.  This is how I feel.  I honor your feelings and opinions even if they aren’t the same as mine.  I have friends and family who are on both sides of the fence on this issue, and I love and care for them all the same.  It’s not my business to think for them. 
Today has been gay.  And by gay I mean happy, and by happy I mean the gay community is about to throw a party that only they can.  The Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA); which stated that if you have matching body parts you can’t possibly be a real family.  Just hours after the decision was made, I was asked to “unlike” a friend’s Facebook page because anyone who tolerates others obviously isn’t a friend of theirs.   (AKA they believe that a marriage is only valid between a man and a woman, and don’t want to associate themselves who disagree.  Of all of the reasons to distance yourself from a redhead, I always assumed it would have been for personal safety.
Anyway, if you are unfamiliar with the case, here is the quick and dirty.  The very beautiful Edie Windsor challenged the Supreme Court when she was expected to pay taxes on the property she shared with her late wife Thea Spyer, to whom she had legally married.  After more than 40 years together, the United States asked for upwards of $363,000 in federal estate taxes.  Had the couple been seen as a legal pair, they would have been protected under the unlimited spousal deduction and wouldn’t have been required to pay federal estate taxes. 
Photo by Andy Ryan and Out.com
I believe that everyone has the right to the pursuit of happiness, and this includes marrying whomever you choose.  I also believe that I don’t have the right to pass judgment on anyone else.  I mean I DO, but usually it’s restricted to the people of Wal-Mart, people who take food stamps out of their Gucci, and people who don’t have red hair.  But beyond that, I can’t tell anyone who to love.  
I was excited about the court’s ruling so I told my five year old daughter, Shylee.
Me:  Guess what!  Gay Americans had a great day in court today!
Shylee:  What does that mean?
Me:  Well, men can be married to men and women can be married to women.
Shylee:  Yeah and kids can be married to adults!
Me:  No... no that is still very illegal.  Let’s not talk about that.
 
In other news, if you type “homosexuality” into Google, the search bar turns fabulous!
 

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

10,000 Page View Challenge!


Today I’m excited to announce the 10,000 Page View Challenge! 
 
 
 
First let’s talk about the prizes!  The first place winner will receive by email a $50 gift card and public announcement!  Second place winner will receive by email a $20 gift card by email and public announcement, and the third place winner gets to pick my next blog topic.  It can be ANYTHING.  Think there is something hilarious or just really awkward out there?  Now is your chance to make me do your dirty work and write a blog post about it! 
So what do you have to do to get these sweet prizes?  Shoot a ginger!  That’s right, find your favorite ginger (besides me) and take a picture of them doing something awesome, funny, awkward, or whatever will bring a smile to the other Riotter’s faces!  Think outside the box and have a great time interacting with the coolest people on the planet! ;-)
 
 
Now let’s talk about the rules.

Rule 1:  Never talk about Fight Club.


Rule 2:  If you are my parent or my spouse, you are not eligible for the prizes, but feel free to send in pictures anyway!


Rule 3: There’s no limit to the number of great ginger photos you can send in!  Send in one, or send in 20.  I’ll check them all out and share them with everyone.
 

Rule 4:  This is my blog, so if you send me something retarded, I reserve the right to pretend like I never got your email.  But remember, if you take a photo your mom wouldn’t be proud of, send it in anyway, because I’m not your momma!

The 10,000 Page View Challenge begins as soon as you read this, and will end August 1st, when I will announce who won some cash and bragging rights. 

Don’t kick a ginger, get out there and shoot them (with a camera and with their permission)!

Please send in all entries to MyGingerRiott@gmail.com  Yay!!!

 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Growing and Changing

I feel like I have done so much growing in the last couple of years.  If you would have asked me three years ago what today would look like, I would have never guessed that it would look like it does now.  My Air Force career ended with a medical discharge, we were blessed with a baby that we were not trying for (not even a little bit), and my husband decided to hang up his Air Force boots for farmer's boots.  And of course, the My Ginger Riott blog is here. 
So we are closing this chapter of our lives and opening the next.  Next to me are boxes of stuffed animals and bags of clothes that need to be taken to the thrift store as we down-size in preparation for the movers to come next month. 
It’s exciting and with all of these changes I really feel like I am on the path I was supposed to be on.  That hasn’t exactly been the case in the past.  I feel like I was always wondering what my purpose was and had that feeling of, “Is this all there is for me?”  Now I am excited and can’t wait to see what’s next!
So what is next?  This blog is changing!  We are about to embark on 10,000 page views.  That is incredible!  Honestly when I started it, I assumed my mom would be the only one to read it.  And with the first 10,000 page views comes the first Ginger Challenge.  I will give the details when we actually hit that number, but here’s a hint...it includes a nice cash prize!
I got an email from a company saying that they have seen my blog, and are mailing me one of their products to review.  I also have some ideas for a vlog channel and maybe even a book one day, so stay tuned for all those happenings to be happening. 
What are you guys thinking?  Send me an email, or comment below on any questions you may have, or what you would like to see as My Ginger Riott evolves.  And thank you once again for all of the support!!!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Nostalgic for the Dog Butt


Here in southern Germany, the weather went from “where the hell is summer” to “I hope you bought your deodorant by the case because you’ll need it” in the matter of days.  I know, it gets hot just about everywhere, but most Europeans don’t believe in air conditioning (or deodorant) so it’s sticky hot all summer.

I could write a long list of all the things that suck about living in hot weather, or I could write about the things that the heat has made a little bit better.

1.        My freckles have literally melted off.  So now I look like a day walker, walking around with all of these other day walkers, I feel like a double agent.

2.       After my cold shower today, I opened the dryer to get clothes out and they were still wet.  Didn’t give a shit.  They feel better this way anyway. 

3.       I always know where my kids are because we only have four ceiling fans in the house, so they are most likely laying under one of them.

4.       I haven’t had to put make-up on in a week, because it let’s be honest, if I put it on it would just slide off faster than Kardashian underwear.

Yep that’s it.  Those are the only good things that have come out of this death heat. 

Being out in the heat today I could only think about one thing... Gateway Park.

When I was a little kid growing up in Tawas, Michigan, my mom took me to Gateway Park, and that’s where my mind was most of the day.  I miss the feeling of the mist coming off of Lake Huron. And if that wasn’t cooling enough you could always wade into the lake to cool down.  It was amazing. 



But the coolest thing about Gateway Park as a kid was the playground equipment that was somehow surgically attached to freakishly large animals. 



 
Hmm, I don’t remember having to climb into the butt of a dog. 
 
 
This explains so much about my childhood.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Toddlers Are Like Parrots


Toddlers are like parrots.  You see a picture of them and think, ‘Ahh, they’re so beautiful!  I want to bring one in my house and keep it as a pet.’  That’s how they get you.  Then you get them into your once serene and clean house and they fuck that all up. 

There is shit tore up all over the place, they bite your guests (and you pretend like you are so surprised and act like they have never done that sort of thing before), the squawk from the time they see the sun in the morning until you put the towel over their cage and the end of the night.  They spill their food all over the floor.  They hear you cuss (while you’re picking up all of the shit they just threw around your floor) and they follow you around repeating the bad words. 

You can convince yourself that they are domesticated, but really you know they would be happier living out in the wild where all the other wild, loud, scary things are.  So please, if you are considering bringing a toddler or a parrot into your house, do yourself a favor and leave them at the zoo. 

 

Monday, June 10, 2013

Dinosaurs Are Taking Over My Life

I have come to the conclusion that dinosaurs have taken over my life. 

Reason 1:  About a week and a half ago, I started on the Primal/Paleo/Caveman diet.  Look it up, if you haven’t heard about it.  I have cut out all of the junk from my diet and have lost about 7lbs and a pant size already.  So technically cavemen weren’t around during the time of the dinosaur, but they were in the cartoons that I watched when I was a kid, so it totally counts.



Reason 2:  My daughter, Shylee, has become obsessed with the movie Jurassic Park.  We have watched it about seven times in the last couple of weeks.  I even have dreams about dinosaurs.  While watching Jurassic Park during the first couple of days of starting my nearly no carb diet, I realized I would fuck up a dinosaur to get to some ice cream.  I mean not a velociraptor, because they are like the strung out Lindsay Lohan's of the dinosaur world, but I would take out a pterodactyl for sure.  Also I want a triceratops to ride around the neighborhood.  I would be like, “This is neighborhood watch 10,000 motherfucka.”  That’s the diet talking. It makes me a potty mouth.

Reason 3:  My best friend, Colleen, recently went on vacation to Florida and has been drinking out of a Jurassic Park coffee cup.  I hadn’t told her that I had been watching it every single brain draining minute of my life for two weeks, but she just happened to be drinking out of it at the same time.  The most shocking part...she didn’t even invite me to Florida.  Email me if you’re interested in filling my BFF opening.
 
 
 
Reason 4:  I thought I heard a dinosaur outside my window.  It happened to be a momma fox looking for her baby, but it’s a totally understandable mistake.  Have you ever heard a panicked fox?  I was woken up at one o’clock in the morning to the freakiest sound.  At first I thought one of my kids was choking in their beds, so I flew out of bed.  By the time I got to my door I realized the sound was actually coming from out the bathroom window, so I went to the window to open it.  The sound was so freaky.  I thought, ‘What the hell is that?  Is someone strangling a turkey?  That’s ridiculous.  It must be a dinosaur strangling a turkey.  That makes more sense.’  Then to my surprise it was just a cute little fox.  If you have never heard a fox check out this video, or go to the link below if you are on a mobile device.  At the end of the video is the alarm bark, which is what I heard.  Tell me that doesn’t sound like a dinosaur strangling a turkey! 
 
 
 Did someone make this sign for me?
 

Friday, June 7, 2013

We're in Business

I have been writing My Ginger Riott for about 9 months now, and have had over 9,000 page views, so I thought I would add some new stuff!  I now have links to some great things that you really don't need, but should really get anyway. 

Check out the links on the right side of the page for the newest Ginger Riott endorsed merchandise! 

Every time you click on a link to Amazon then buy something, I get a commission.  Fucking amazing!  That includes clicking on the header which takes you to the main Amazon store.  If you see something awesome out there that you think would be good to list for sale on My Ginger Riott, send me an email, Facebook me, or leave a comment below. 

A Ginger Pride poster would be a great place to start!  Also if you haven't subscribed by email, be sure to do that so that you don't miss any posts! 

Thank you for all of the support!  You get part of your soul back as my thanks!

Come Enjoy the Dick Waters

I’m from a small town.  People there know each other’s names, recognize each other’s vehicles, and spend time in the Dick Waters.

Well actually when I was growing up I was either swimming in a lake, a pond, or a backyard pool, but I have just recently learned a little more about the public swimming pool in the biggest town in our county.  It’s called the Dick Waters’ Pool, named after the late teacher Mr. Richard Waters.  I can’t make this up.  I mean I could, but it would be really wrong because The Dick Waters is actually located at the elementary school. 

The pool has been closed since 2009, due to reported budget constraints.  The town must be ecstatic, because no one has gotten to play in Dick Waters for years!  Talk about a drought!  It’s estimated that the pool will cost the town nearly $60,000 to run it for the summer.  As we all know,  it costs a lot to get women to come out and play in the Dick Waters.  So if you’re ever in Michigan, come out and play in the Dick Waters.  But please, keep your lips closed.  No one needs a mouth full of the Dick Waters. 

If only it were shaped like this, it would be a legend.  Well you know...if it were a little bigger. 
 
Source: Tosh.ComedyCentral.com
 

 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Our Founding Fathers

I have been posting a lot about gingers lately. You could say I have ginger on the brain, but I had to share this ginger-tastic factoid with you!
 
I’m about to blow your ginger-lovin’ mind. There is so much disagreement pertaining to our current president and how he is doing. There is also much debate about the direction that the country is headed. One thing that can’t be debated is that America is one feisty mother.
 
You may know that America was founded by determined men who had a vision of a better life for themselves and countrymen, but what you may not know is that two of our founding fathers, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, were extra feisty. That’s because they were red heads!  Covered up by wigs and white hair powder (used to control grease and odor), these two men were full-fledged gingers!
Thomas Jefferson
Source: Time Magazine
 
George Washington
Source: redhairfacts.com
 
 
So next time you hate on a ginger, you’re hating on our founding fathers. Your mother would be so disappointed!

Note:  Andrew Jackson, Ulysses S. Grant, Dwight Eisenhower, Calvin Coolidge, and Martin Van Buren were also red heads.

 
 
 
 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

9000 Pageviews!




Thank you to everyone who continues to read My Ginger Riott!!!! Tell your friends!  Let's get to 10,000 pageviews soon!

Monday, June 3, 2013

Gingers in the '90s

My bestie Colleen sent me a link to buzzfeed showing why Gingers were cooler in the '90s and how they paved the way for gingers of today...as you can see above.  So that got me thinking...I was a ginger in the '90s!  So I want to share some ginger awesomeness with you, from the '90s!


Here I am with my ginger dog...



My ginger horses...





And of course, my ginger cow. 


I also had a ginger mother, and a Reba collection (not pictured). 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/h2/fbsp/virginmobilelive/reasons-gingers-were-cooler-in-the-90s

Friday, May 31, 2013

Just a Ginger Looking for Some Love


I love the website Kickstarter.com.  It’s a website that helps people get funded for starting businesses, artists, designers, and so much more.  Each company or person who is trying to get a “kick start” puts up a list of packages that you can buy.  When you buy one of the packages, you become a backer and get something really cool.  It could be a tee shirt or a prototype at a crazy low price. 

I thought I liked this website until I found this little gem.  Now I LOVE it.  A man named Scott P. Harris from the UK needed funding to make his documentary, Being Ginger.  It’s about a red haired man in his quest to find a woman who would love him, red hair and all.  Unfortunately I found it after the funding window was closed.  Otherwise I would have totally funded my fellow ging.  Check out this deleted scene from the movie. (Note:  Videos may not show up on mobile devices.)
 


I believe this woman single handedly started National Kick a Ginger Day and gave birth to South Park’s Cartman all before her morning coffee.

Check out Scott’s Facebook page and show him some love, or you know help him find a woman. 

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Your Kids Will be Fine


Since I live so far from my hometown, I keep in touch with what’s going on by being friends on Facebook with my hometown news station.  There was a story about a woman who was strangled and dumped in a lake.  It is very sad, and my condolences are with her friends and family for sure. 

But the thing that really got my attention was a post by a woman who had this to say, “Sooo sad soo young....this world is getting scarier and bitter and people who aren't scared of anything or anyone anymore... I have a 7 and 3 year old and it petrifies me to wonder what this world wil be like at my age....i do know one thing the lord needs to come back soon!!”

I have a couple thoughts on this.  One, I saw your Facebook picture, and if Jesus does come back soon, have him bring you a larger shirt because your girls are trying to escape like a couple of seals in a minnow net. 

And secondly, a drowning in a lake makes you scared for the future of your children?  Like I said before, I do feel for her family and friends, but come on.  Why do people read the news with such nostalgia?  I think people remember their childhoods as a simpler, more fun world in the same way we remember our childhood bedrooms.  Have you ever left your childhood bedroom for a few years, then came back to see it.  It’s magically smaller and less enchanted than it used to be.  Especially for those people whose parents went on to be on the show Hoarding: Buried Alive. 

A strangling and body dumping is something that should never happen, but it’s not like it’s something new that you should worry about the future of your children about.  Chicago has had an organized crime ring since 1879, respectfully.  The Black Dahlia killer, the KKK, the Unabomber, and ‘80s parachute pants are all tragedies that we have overcome. 

There will be more to come.  Boston and 9/11 happened.  A young woman was strangled and thrown in a lake.  It will keep happening.  I think it’s foolish to hide from it and throw your hands up in surrender.  Teach your children that bad things happen to good people, we just need to be the good people who stand up for those who need help, and to trust our instincts.   But just start with a walk.  Teach your children and yourself about the beauty and kindness just outside your front door. 

Let me recap.  Bad things have always happened, but it’s not always about you, so let it go.  When the bad news starts to get to you, turn it off and walk away.  Then go pray that Jesus brings you a bigger shirt!
Have some thoughts on this?  Leave a message below!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

You are What You Eat and I Eat Nuts


I have this message for the FDA today;
My mom told me that it's rude to give people the bird, but she never said anything about writing it out in walnuts!
 
This may be old news, but it was new news to me, so I thought maybe other people hadn’t heard about it either. 

On February 22, 2010 the FDA wrote a letter to Diamond Nuts telling them that they either needed to remove statements saying that walnuts are beneficial to health, or they would have to apply to classify their nuts as drugs. 

They also had this to say, “Your walnut products are also misbranded under section 403(r)(1)(B) of the Act [21 U.S.C. § 343(r)(1)(B)] because your firm's website also contains several additional unauthorized health claims. The following are examples of the claims made on your firm's website:

• "Studies have also shown that omega-3s may lower the risk of stroke ..."

• "[T]here's good evidence that omega-3s can increase HDL (good cholesterol), further reducing the risk of stroke and heart disease."

 
They also said this, “Further, your "Diamond of California Shelled Walnut" product is misbranded under section in that your product bears health claims that are not authorized by the FDA. The front and back of your product label bears the phrase "OMEGA 3 2.5 g per serving." Within the context of this label, the heart symbols adjacent to information about the amount of omega-3 in the product, constitute implied health claims about consumption of omega-3 and a reduced risk of coronary heart disease.” 

So there you have it, the dirty bastards at Diamond Nuts are trying to poison our minds with hearts.

I found a study done in 2002 on the FDA’s website showing another walnut run-in.  The walnut growers wanted to show that the Omega 3 found in walnuts was beneficial in reducing the risk of Coronary Heart Disease.  They worked with 16-49 people over 6 weeks, and found that all of them had lowered their LDL (bad cholesterol) levels.

There were other studies done on walnuts as well that included Adventist Health Study, the Nurses Health Study, the Iowa Women's Health Study, and the Physicians Health Study that all found walnuts to be beneficial in heart health.  The FDA also hired three separate scientists to conduct blind tests, which all found walnuts to be beneficial in lowering LDL. Despite this evidence, the FDA determined walnuts to have no signifigent evidence in being “heart healthy” because you would have to eat “a significant” amount of walnuts to get the benefits.  I wonder how many Lay’s potato chips it takes to get heart health benefits, because they have been approved by the FDA to label their foods heart healthy.

So then I went to Lay’s to get their point of view on heart health.  They had this FDA approved message, “The good news about all our chips is that we make them with “good fats”—polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats, which have heart health benefits because they can actually lower bad cholesterol as part of a balanced diet, so long as the total calories consumed do not increase.”

So in conclusion, according to the FDA walnuts are not heart healthy, but fried potato chips are. 

Despite the FDA refusing walnut growers to label their product heart healthy, they put this video out for consumers.  WARNING:  This video contains walnuts!



If they keep this going, people are going to start to think that the government is corrupt....

The letter from the FDA to Diamond Nuts can be found here for you to read for yourself.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Prettiest Girl in the School

Shylee came home the other day with her very first yearbook!  I was so excited that I flipped through the pages until I found her kindergarten class. Then I dragged my finger down the page to her name and looked at her photo. 

This is my kid's name, but this is not her face.



And this is my kid's face, but not her name.




WTF? Her very first yearbook and the only photo of her in it, and it's all screwed up.  I didn't want her to feel let down so I approached it gently.

Me - Shylee?  Have you seen this page yet?

Shylee - Yeah!  Isn't it great?!  I love my yearbook.

Me - Did you see that your name is on a different little girl's picture?

Shylee - Yes! (grinning from ear to ear)

Me - I'm really sorry.  I think it's too late to do anything about it.

Shylee - Are you kidding me?  Isabella is the prettiest girl in school.  Whenever people look at this, they're going to say 'Dang kid, you were gorgeous!'

Well that's one way to look at it I guess!


And in other news, my husband had a great time playing with his toys. I prefer he doesn't start his stories with, "So did I tell you where my wheel almost came off?"

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Shanked in the Shower


Last night I was shanked in the shower. Sure, I did it to myself but it still feeds on my biggest fear...going to jail. Gingers barely make it off of the playground unscathed as kids, much less "the yard" as adults.

So I was in the shower shaving my arm pits when my razor broke. Like the whole head snapped off and all was left was a sharp point which I unintentionally used to stab myself with, in the armpit.  Have you ever been shanked in the armpit? It sucks.

I got out of the shower and dried my feet off, which was pointless because the rest of me was still wet so I left a water trail to the medicine cabinet. I didn't have another razor in there so I walked over to the cupboard and looked in there. Nothing. Seriously, who shops for this house? They should be fired.

While I was standing there, recreating Lake Michigan at my feet, I decided to just borrow Brian's razor and jump back in the shower.  After grabbing his razor, I promptly spun around towards the shower and slipped on the floor. It wasn't a full shit eating kind of fall but it left a mark and it was awkward.

That's when Brian walked in. I decided not to explain to him why I was naked, in a puddle of water on the bathroom floor holding his razor.   He didn't ask either.

I got back in the shower to find that I was all out of shave cream.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

A Few Notes

My really good friend, Jon, shared a video with me tonight and suggested that I share it on here...so here it is!

Note: This would be funny if it wasn't so accurately true.

Notable Note: Jon is pretty much my BFF minus the matching BFF bracelets.

Notarized Note: Jon is single, ladies! PM me if you're interested.



Notorious Note: Jon is not amused right now.

Next Note: The guy on the right is mine, so eyes off, you sluts!

Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Note: Redheads are the fucking unicorns of the human world.

Oh yeah, so on to the video!


I'm still watching you, you sluts. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Being Held Hostage

I have been really busy lately, to the point where I’m pretty sure my friends and family were printing LOST posters because it had been awhile since they had heard from me.  I have been held hostage in my home, against my will by a toddler.  I have been doing P90X this week while Kaydance takes her afternoon naps.  I tried on my swimsuit from last year and I have been scared into working out for at least an hour a day ever since. 
Anyway, yesterday Kaydance woke up early from her nap while I was still working out, so I went in and got her out of her bed.  I figured she could sit in a recliner while I finished up Ab Ripper X.  I was on the floor doing crunchy frogs (probably more fun as a dish than as an exercise) when Kaydance jumped down from the recliner, walked over, threw my glass of cold water in my face and walked away.  My captor can be a jerk. 
I grabbed my towel and wiped off my face and heard a gush of water coming from the bathroom.  I must have left the bathroom door open because she had grabbed a step stool, climbed in the tub, turned the water on and sat in the tub with her clothes on waiting for the tub to fill up.  Apparently she thought we both needed a bath. 
So fear not, friends and family.  I am not lost, just very clean and being tormented daily.   
In other news, Ginger Riott has just passed 8000 page views!  I have an idea when we get to 10,000 page views that I will share soon.  10,000 page views!!! That blows my mind.  Thank you to everyone who keeps reading my posts and liking the Facebook page.  You mean the world to me. 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

First World Problems Out of Control

I was going to go lay out in the sun on the balcony today.  When I say I was going to go lay out, I mean I was going to lay out like a ginger.  I spend 15 minutes in direct sunlight, turn over for five, and then spend the rest of the hour in the shade poking myself to see which body parts are overly pink. 
On my way outside I stopped in my tracks because I was immediately thirsty.  Maybe my body just wanted to prepare for the oncoming burn.  So I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water.  I noticed how there are many less actual glass glasses now that Shylee has started doing the dishes, and that the floor was seriously gross. 
So I sat my empty glass on the counter and went to get a mop and bucket.  I filled up the bucket and mopped the floor.  I mopped my way to the edge of the kitchen and noticed I left my glass on the counter, I was still really thirsty and there was no way to get to any drink without walking though the clean, wet floor. 
There is too much gingy in myself to just give up that easily.  So I grabbed a towel and throw it on the floor, step on it, and scooted to the glass, then scooted to the fridge.  I filled up my glass with cold water and shut the door.  Then I thought, what if I get thirsty again while the floor is still wet?  I didn’t know what I would be thirsty for, so I grabbed a Rockstar, juice, and the rest of the water pitcher and started scooting toward the balcony quickly so I could get out there before the sun went down too far.  That’s when Brian walked in.
Brian - What are you doing?  (He had been sleeping all day, so he was a little groggy, but his usual level of judgmentalness.)
Me - Don’t mess with me right now, my first world problems are getting out of control.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Bad Man in the Neighborhood

There have been a few cases of child molestation and abuse in our neighborhood within the last year, so when my five year old daughter, Shylee, told me she saw a bad man out by the street it got my attention.  I asked her if she saw him again, would she be able to point him out.  She said, without a doubt she would.  She was certain that he was still out there, so I held her hand tight while we walked back to where she had seen him last. 

Yep, he was still there. 



I don't happen to think he is a threat at the moment, you know since he's on a sign and all. 

There was also this guy, who while he looks similar, he is a good guy and is out there to watch the bad man...according to Shylee. 



Just another day on Neighborhood Watch here in Germany with my favorite kindergartner.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Westboro Baptist Church has a New Look

You may know who of the Westboro Baptist Church, but did you know that their Facebook page has been hacked into and taken over by Marilyn Manson, Anonymous, and Captain Crunch.  Currently the WBC has no control over their page, and they haven't had as much attention as they are having now. 

Here are a few of the newest photos up on their page;








And my all time favorite...

 
Check it out for yourself here.