Saturday, May 11, 2013
Shanked in the Shower
Last night I was shanked in the shower. Sure, I did it to myself but it still feeds on my biggest fear...going to jail. Gingers barely make it off of the playground unscathed as kids, much less "the yard" as adults.
So I was in the shower shaving my arm pits when my razor broke. Like the whole head snapped off and all was left was a sharp point which I unintentionally used to stab myself with, in the armpit. Have you ever been shanked in the armpit? It sucks.
I got out of the shower and dried my feet off, which was pointless because the rest of me was still wet so I left a water trail to the medicine cabinet. I didn't have another razor in there so I walked over to the cupboard and looked in there. Nothing. Seriously, who shops for this house? They should be fired.
While I was standing there, recreating Lake Michigan at my feet, I decided to just borrow Brian's razor and jump back in the shower. After grabbing his razor, I promptly spun around towards the shower and slipped on the floor. It wasn't a full shit eating kind of fall but it left a mark and it was awkward.
That's when Brian walked in. I decided not to explain to him why I was naked, in a puddle of water on the bathroom floor holding his razor. He didn't ask either.
I got back in the shower to find that I was all out of shave cream.