Thursday, June 20, 2013

Nostalgic for the Dog Butt

Here in southern Germany, the weather went from “where the hell is summer” to “I hope you bought your deodorant by the case because you’ll need it” in the matter of days.  I know, it gets hot just about everywhere, but most Europeans don’t believe in air conditioning (or deodorant) so it’s sticky hot all summer.

I could write a long list of all the things that suck about living in hot weather, or I could write about the things that the heat has made a little bit better.

1.        My freckles have literally melted off.  So now I look like a day walker, walking around with all of these other day walkers, I feel like a double agent.

2.       After my cold shower today, I opened the dryer to get clothes out and they were still wet.  Didn’t give a shit.  They feel better this way anyway. 

3.       I always know where my kids are because we only have four ceiling fans in the house, so they are most likely laying under one of them.

4.       I haven’t had to put make-up on in a week, because it let’s be honest, if I put it on it would just slide off faster than Kardashian underwear.

Yep that’s it.  Those are the only good things that have come out of this death heat. 

Being out in the heat today I could only think about one thing... Gateway Park.

When I was a little kid growing up in Tawas, Michigan, my mom took me to Gateway Park, and that’s where my mind was most of the day.  I miss the feeling of the mist coming off of Lake Huron. And if that wasn’t cooling enough you could always wade into the lake to cool down.  It was amazing. 

But the coolest thing about Gateway Park as a kid was the playground equipment that was somehow surgically attached to freakishly large animals. 

Hmm, I don’t remember having to climb into the butt of a dog. 
This explains so much about my childhood.