Thursday, April 18, 2013

Anything but a Romance Novel

I want to write a book, but it’s not going to be a romance novel, because they tend to make me more judgmental of my husband.  In fact every time I read a romance novel, I give him dirty looks and judge him for not having super powers, having a billion dollars, or have fighting skills better than anyone in the state. 
When I read Twilight, I judged him because he has zero super hero abilities.  Is it really too much to be picked up after work (literally) and have him throw me on his back and race up to the top of a mountain for a picnic?  Apparently it is. 
When I read Fifty Shades of Gray, I was let down that Brian wasn’t a multi-billionaire who wanted to take me up in his private helicopter.  Is it really too much for him to be over protective to the point of craziness and try to make things better by spending thousands of dollars on me?  Apparently it is.
I just got done reading Beautiful Disaster, and have been giving Brian dirty looks for the last two days.  When Brian saw me mean mugging him, he said, “Can I help you?”
I said, “Have you ever thought about fighting in the UFC?”
He would laugh at me and say, “Ha, no.”
Not only does he refuse to fight in a ring with a stranger to near death, covered in blood, he won’t even beat the crap out of some guy just for talking to him.
And believe me, I tried.  I told him, “I talked to a guy today.  I think he thinks I’m pretty.”
He said, “Ahh that’s sweet.  You are pretty.”  He obviously hates me!
So one of two things are true, either Brian is the least romantic man ever, or I should stop reading romance novels.  Luckily some of my friends and I are getting together for our new book club.  Actually we are just getting together to drink wine and wear fancy clothes, and are just happening to read the same book at the same time.  My friend Chandler chose the book A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard.  Brian will probably start looking good, considering he isn’t a maniac with a little girl stored away in our back yard...either that or I will start suspecting he does.