Monday, October 29, 2012

Hello, my name is Chelsea and I throw food (at 20 mph)

Last week Brian and I were leaving the house in his car when our neighbor stopped us. He waved us down so Brian hit the brakes. The moment he did, a coffee cup came flying off the top of the roof spilling coffee all over the car hood and the road. I thought, "Hey there's my coffee" like I had been looking for it. In between yelling at Shylee to get out of the road, buckling up Kaydance who already had one shoe off, and dumping half my purse on the ground, I forgot that I had put it up there. I got out half thinking, hey maybe my coffee is still mostly full sitting upright in the road. Coffee coffee everywhere, but not a drop to drink. I got back in the car. "God damnit Brian!" "What? You can't blame me for this." "Asshole." "You're an asshole." Remembering there were little ears in the car we turned around to find Shylee trying to hold back the laughter. We made eye contact and she lost it. Everyone was happy again so I stole Brian's coffee and we drove on.

Today I was leaving for work and got into second gear so I could play "Only the Gas" game. I like to see how far I can go without having to touch the brakes or change gears in my manual transmission car. It usually results in really rough speed bumps, slight traffic backups, and flying around roundabouts really fast. So today I was playing and I built up speed going down a big hill. I flew into the round about and out the first exit. As I did, something flew right by my window. In slow motion as it went by I realized, hmm I think I left my lunch on top of my car. You'd think Saran wrap and a paper plate would stand up more to pavement at 20mph. Being as I didn't want to lose at my game and there was somebody behind me, I didn't stop for my lunch. The woman in the mini can behind me did though. In my rear view mirror I watched the woman leap from her van and run to the lunch, which was really more of a buffet now, then run back to her can and drive on. I hadn't heard that money was usually stacked on literal flying saucers covered in Saran wrap, but apparently it's out there. Also, I don't recommend driving behind me around meal times.