December is my favorite month in the whole year! My birthday, my anniversary, Jesus’ birthday, Adam Sandler’s Chanukah is played on the radio, there’s usually snow, wearing cute boots with fur becomes “sensible”, and I’m always covered up so I don’t have to hear the usual, “You’re so white” (because I had noooo idea). Who wouldn’t love December?
This year I brought in December with a bang, on the bathroom floor, at the Christmas party...with all of my co-workers one room over. Happy December, I’m still alive!
The night started out great. I was sober, I had a babysitter, and I got to hang out with my husband and some of my friends, (although my bestie Lauren wasn’t there).
Here I am with Brian at the beginning of the night.
We went to the bar and on the advice of my friend Holly; I got a double Malibu with Sprite. If you haven’t tried it, I recommend it. I don’t recommend drinking one before a bottle of red wine, and a half of a bottle of white wine, but a Malibu with Sprite is delightful.
One of Santa’s friendly elves came to our table and I got a couple pictures taken with him.
They announced that we would have to sing for our supper, so each table had to come up and sing a Christmas song before we were allowed to go to the buffet room. Instead of waiting our turn to go sing, I poured a big glass of wine for one of my supervisors and told him to down it because I was hungry so we needed to go sing. I downed my wine with him...to be polite of course. Six of us went to the middle of the floor. The three guys sang Santa Baby (and when I say sang I mean the worst wall paper peeling rendition ever) and three of us ladies did the Can Can dance. We didn’t get to the end of the song before they just told us we could go eat. “Just, just go.” Brian didn’t come down to sing. He made a lot of good choices last night that I didn’t make.
After the bottle of red wine, Santa came to our tables to say hello. I said hello too.
This is when my list of regrets started. We first met up with Santa about 20 minutes before he came to the table. He was getting dressed in his costume just outside the bathrooms. While my friend Cheryl was talking to him, I started going through his bag. No toys. He did however have some furry cuffs in the bag so I stole them and ran back to the table with my arms up and the cuffs around my forearms yelling, “I just took advantage of Santa!” Sorry santa. I’ll understand if you put me on your bad girl list this year.
There was some dancing and lots of fun conversation, and some white wine. The last thing I really remember was singing to Garth Brooks with my bosses and friends in the middle of the room. They'll always be my friends in low places. The next thing I remember was being in a bathroom stall...which none of which needs to be relived. Brian carried me to the car and took me home. I don’t plan on drinking again until New Years...2055.
I had a blast with my friends last night. And with the good there was some bad.
Here is a list of my (least) favorite things, the things I really regret from last night.
· Dancing like a Can-Can girl...in a short skirt
· Mixing three different kinds of alcohol
· Touching a pregnant lady’s tummy (that shit would never happen sober)
· Professing to one of my old bosses that he was an amazing boss (I think I could have found a way of telling him without hugging him three times and promising to make him BLT’s everyday forever) I could write a whole other post on RayBev though....and I think I will.
· Eating a whole plate of potato croquettes
· Ensuring I am going to get coal for Christmas...I’m sorry Santa. I don’t know where I left your cuffs.
· Puking on Brian’s car and coat. If you know how much he loves his car Gloria, you would know that I’m lucky to be alive
· Ugh...everything after 10PM
· How I felt this morning
Happy December! It’s going to be a wild ride.
P.S. I have the GREATEST husband in the whole world. I love you babes.
P.P.S Don't videotape yourself singing. You DO NOT sound good, and you DO NOT want to hear it ever again!