My Two Pets

I’m obsessed with having a reindeer farm, gypsies, and PETS.  While we live in Germany, we have to live in a 1000 sq. foot apartment on the fourth floor.  So getting a new pet would be a challenge, since I already have two other pets.  One pet’s name is Shylee, and although she is very friendly she makes big messes all over the house, constantly needs to go outside to be walked, and is always a mess despite constant grooming.  My other pet’s name is Kaydance.  She is very loving (if she feels like it).  She often gets so excited at meal time she drools.  She is not house trained yet either.  Pets always look silly wearing diapers, but Brian insists we keep one on her.  One night I saw in infomercial for fake grass that your pets can use to go potty on.  Brian ruined my plans when he said she’d never use it.  Stubborn pets. 

My pets are always following me around too.  I haven’t found a pen or a hitching post that will work yet.  I tried putting them in a kennel one time, but Brian had to ruin that too and let them out.  He ruins all of my good plans.  The pets follow me EVERYWHERE.  I assume it’s because I taught them “heel” and they just never forgot it.  I’m a great teacher. 

So now I have to run away faster than them and shut the door and lock it before they get to me.  Of course in our apartment, the only door that locks is the bathroom door.  I’ve locked myself in the bathroom before only to find little fingers come in under the door.  It’s like a scene from a zombie movie.  You know they’re searching for you.  They want you and they’re not leaving without you.

My big pet talks.  “Mom, what are you doing?  Can I come in?  Want me to read you a book while you go potty?” 

“I’m not going potty; I’m hiding from you in the fetal position on the bathmat.”

So as you can see, I am an excellent candidate for getting a new pet.  Only this time, I want one that doesn’t take a whole year just to learn to walk, one that can start potty training at eight weeks, and one that doesn’t give me dirty looks if I do pigtails when she wanted braids.  Compared to my pets, I think a pet lion would be easier to keep.  I will stay up late tonight researching pets I should consider.  If it is a big animal like a zebra or zonkey (zebra-donkey hybrid) I will have to look into putting a poop shoot and net on the balcony.