Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Enjoy bed!

Last year (when my New Year’s resolution still included weight loss) I signed myself and two of my gal pals up for the local version of Biggest Loser.  We vowed that we would work out at least four times a week at the gym.  And I was going to…until the first day I walked into the gym and saw that half the town had also made the same vow.  There haven’t been that many sweaty bodies outside of an orgy since the 70’s.  For the next month I worked out outside…in January, until the weaker resolutionists died out and I had room to workout inside.  I assume this year will be no different, with the exception I will not be working out outside.  I’ll wait until February to work out thanks.  Of course I could always workout at home and torture my own family with my Lycra covered ass, but they gave me really nice gifts for Christmas, so I won’t do that to them.
So in the spirit of New Year’s resolution motivation, I have found some motivational posters, and edited them with “in bed” like you would with the fortune of a Chinese fortune cookie.  So enjoy…in bed.
I hear your mom’s easy in bed.
I’ve actually found that’s not necessarily true.
Unless you’re into hookers, of course.
Beast mode off!  Beast mode off!
Yeah, like “Sorry honey, not tonight.  I have a headache.”
Yep, that’s how it works.

Arthur Ashe didn’t actually say that.
No need to answer that!  Please.
It’s a ginger thing.

Untrue.  I prefer to take up 80% of the bed and sleep in until 10.
Um, did you do it wrong yesterday?
That’s what he said.
I want to be the most successful person in the world…said no woman ever!