Thursday, January 10, 2013

PSA - Stop Stinking and Stay Away from Leather Bound Bikers

I haven't posted as much as I meant to this week. Things have been crazy. Nonetheless, it's very important that I get this short public service announcement out.

PSA: Stop that stinking!

I walked into an office at work today and was slapped in the face with a whole-lotta stink! For a second I though Oh god, is that me? Then as I got closer to the olfactory offender, I realized it wasn't me. So please, if you're sitting here reading this thinking, Hmm, maybe I stink, this is for you. Also, feel free to print this out and leave it for someone you know that stinks. Or better yet, give it to someone who doesn't stink, just to fuck with them. Here we go...

If you get a wif of yourself as you walk out the door and think, It's 50/50. I don't stink too bad. - You're wrong.

If you get a wif of yourself and assume no one else can smell that stink - You're wrong.

If you work out, then go on to other activities without showering - You're wrong.

If you have eaten hard boiled eggs and have been within five feet of someone - You're wrong.

If you drink protein shakes to get "ripped bro" - You're wrong (on a couple different levels).

If you wear yoga pants when you aren't working out or going to bed - You're wrong. This has nothing to do with stinking, but its wrong and has to be stopped too.

If you're sweaty and know you stink, and touch someone with any part of you're body - You're wrong.

If you're a German biker who wears all leather with nothing underneath in 90 degree weather - You're wrong. Ask my friend James. One of you stinky fuckers gave him a quick ride when he was on crutches. He was spitting out stink for an hour. Thank you for giving him a ride though, he was seriously slowing us down.

Remember; wash, rinse, self-sniff-check, friend-sniff-check, repeat, and don't ride with leather bound bikers.

Oh how the Germans love the Hoff and leather.