I’m sick of the video games, so I am going to rant about it. Here is my rant. Brian is addicted to video games. He disagrees and says he just really likes playing them and it’s his way to unwind after working all day. Yeah, that’s what an addict would say. Just like the other day, I was trying to talk to him about my future and he was too preoccupied with video games to care.
Me: You are obsessed with video games!
Brian: No I’m not. (Obvious denial)
Me: Yes you are! The other day I was trying to talk to you about my future and you just ignored me and kept playing video games.
Brian: I don’t remember that. (Making excuses, defending his habit.)
Me: That hurts my feelings. Obviously you don’t care.
Brian: What future plans did we talk about? (The addiction is making him forget things.)
Me: The go-go dancing!
Brian: That reminds me, can you get a snack for me please?
Last night I was watching a Louis CK video on YouTube and on the side there was another video for the Conan O’Brien show. So I clicked on that. That led me to a video of a motherfucking llama on a surfboard, which led me to a video of a llama dance, and finally ending on a video of some go-go dancing lessons. It was clearly a linear process. Anyway, then I started watching go-go dancing videos and decided I want to be a go-go dancer. So I googled, “How to become a go-go dancer”. On Yahoo Answers, someone said you just have to be over 18, hot, and a good dancer. Hey 1/3 isn’t bad! So I walked over to Brian and yelled, “Hey I want to be a go-go dancer.” From under his headphones he said, “Wow, that’s nice.” Obviously he didn’t hear anything I said. I decided that it would be better to do my go-go dance to prove that I can do this. In doing a dip I smacked my forehead on the TV stand. Brian started laughing and said, “What are you doing?” That he noticed...of course.
I said, “I’m going to be a go-go dancer.”
Brian said, “You should maybe get a helmet while you’re in training. Move away from the furniture and sharp objects and show me what you’ve got.”
So I did an amazing dance (it’s my story), and when I shook my butt he slapped it and said, “Hey can you get me a snack please.”
Then Brian died. (It’s still my story.)
Lessons I learned; 1. If you’re going to go-go dance, get a helmet while in training. 2. Llamas really, really don’t like to surf. 3. They like to dance. 4. Get your own goddamn snack! 5. Brian is no longer addicted to video games, because he’s dead.